(Regrettably, our local university is the main reason that county STD rates are the second-highest in the state (the highest-ranking county is home to a naval base). Outbreaks are common and rather a grim joke with local healthcare providers. The county has purchased a new emergency radio system and one of their officers has arrived to train our staff on how to use the equipment.)
Instructor: “The great thing about this system is that it is linked to over two hundred towers, state-wide. This means that if you need to, you can communicate not only throughout the county, but with other jurisdictions as well. For example; let’s say you have to set up some kind of emergency clinic at the University for… I don’t know, what’s an epidemic that the students might experience there?”
Me: *without thinking* “Probably chlamydia.”
(My boss shushed me, but our director of nursing almost fell off her chair from laughing so hard.)
Canada, Ignoring & Inattentive, Pharmacy | Right | December 10, 2018
(There is a pharmacy in the same building as my doctor’s office, but it opens at 8:30 rather than 8:00 as the office does. It has a metal gate across the entrance when closed, just like most stores in a mall do. I come in just after 8:00 and am waiting for my turn when a woman comes out from her appointment with a prescription sheet and starts hovering right in front of the pharmacy gate.)
Woman: *to the employee inside who is obviously trying to set up to open* “Excuse me… Excuse me!”
Employee: “Yes?”
Woman: “Are you open yet?”
Employee: *slight pause* “No. That’s why the gate is closed and the lights are off.”
Woman: “Oh.” *wanders away*
(Everyone else in the waiting room was trying not to laugh. Really, how much more obvious do you need it to be?)
Convenience Store, Extra Stupid, Ignoring & Inattentive, Maryland, USA | Right | June 29, 2018
(I work at a branch of a well-known east coast convenience store. Today is the first day of a major renovation, including a complete remodel. Every day for the past two weeks, we’ve been reminding customers that we will be closed for over a month during this time. This morning, all the staff show up to count and package all the remaining merchandise to be shipped to other locations. The construction crews are already well into demolition.)
Manager: “Hey, [My Name], you and [Coworker] go outside and stand by the doors and make sure no customers try to come in.”
Me: “Really? Do you think anybody’s going to think we’re open with the parking lot blocked off, the sign being taken down, and construction workers currently sawing their way through the deli?”
Manager: “Don’t be a smarta**; just go.”
([Coworker] and I go outside, glad to just take a cigarette break and not have to do any real work. We’re laughing about how stupid this is, until not one minute later, a man walks up.)
Would-Be Customer: “Hey, are you guys closed?”
Me: *stunned silence*
Would-Be Customer: “Do you think you could sell me a cup of coffee?”
Me: *as construction workers are literally carrying out our empty registers and destroyed counter* “Uh… Sorry, we began our renovation today. I can’t sell you anything; we’re closed.”
Would-Be Customer: “That sucks! When do you think I can come back later?”
Me: *as construction workers, not three feet away, start to use jackhammers to break up the tile on the floor* “Uh… December
Canada, Extra Stupid, Fast Food, Ignoring & Inattentive, Ontario | Right | January 16, 2018
(It’s near the end of the night and we’ve been closed for about half an hour at this point. All of our lights are off, including the one on our drive-thru menu board. I head outside to take out the last load of garbage. There’s a car at our drive-thru speaker
Driver: *spotting me* “Hey, nobody is answering me! I’ve been here for five minutes now.”
Me: “Sorry, we actually closed a half hour ago.”
Driver: *seemingly ignoring me, yelling at the speaker* “I CAN’T READ YOUR MENU! TURN ON A LIGHT FOR ME!”
Me: “Sir, like I said, we actually aren’t open right now. We closed about half an hour ago. We’ll be open at 11:00 am tomorrow, though, if you’d like to come by then.”
Driver: *pulls out a flashlight and reads the board* “I WANT A #5 COMBO! HELLO? HEELLOOOO?!”
Me: “Sir, sorry for repeating myself, but we’re closed. Nobody is going to take your order, because we aren’t open. We’ve been closed for a while now, but you’re more than welcome to come back tomorrow when we’re open again.”
Driver: *suddenly notices me again* “Why aren’t you in there making my food? You’ve been out here doing nothing this entire time!”
Me: “I can’t take your order, sir. Even if I did, all of our tills are offline and our equipment is shut down and being cleaned. There is no way I could possibly give you any food tonight.”
Bookstore, California, Crazy Requests, Jerk, USA | Right | November 8, 2017
(We close at 7:00 pm on Sundays, which is fine in winter, because it’s dark out and most of the time, people don’t really come in. When it gets lighter out, however, we get an after-dinner rush and have to coax a lot of people out of the store. My coworker is pulling out the cash drawers when a customer walks in during closing.)
Coworker: “Oh! I’m sorry, ma’am. We just closed.”
Customer: “Oh! What time?”
Coworker: “Just now, at seven o’clock.”
Customer: “Isn’t it two minutes before seven?”
(She is referring to the large clock behind our register, which is always slow.)
Coworker: “No, ma’am, I’m sorry; it is exactly seven o’clock. But maybe we can ring up a book for you. Do you know exactly what you want?”
Customer: “No, but can I just browse for a couple of minutes or so?”
Coworker: *pained smile* “I’m sorry, ma’am.”
Me: *jumping in* “Don’t worry. We open every day at 10:00 am. You can come in then!”
Customer: “Oh. Well, I suppose you’re closed.”
(She proceeds to sigh and stand in front of the cash registers, quietly and somberly, for at least ten seconds before finally, slowly, shambling out. Whether or not she thought silently pouting would actually get us to change our minds about staying open for her is beyond me!)
(A customer walks into the store I work at right as we are closing.)
Me: “Attention shoppers, the time is [time] and our store is now closed.”
(The customer continues to shop and I close one of our two registers. Ten minutes later the she is still there.)
Me: “Attention shoppers, the time is [time] and our store is closed.”
(Five minutes later the customer approaches the counter, and I’m relieved because it is time for me close the last register. However the customer walks past the counter and continues to shop.)
Customer: “I just need to find something to go with this!”
Me: *to Coworker* “Close register one. It’s supposed to be closed by 15 after and we can’t wait any longer.”
Me: “Attention shoppers, the time is [time] and our store is closed.”
(The customer shops for another 10 minutes before she finally comes to the register with her items.)
Customer: “I’m ready to check out now, please.”
Me: “Ma’am, I’m very sorry but all of our registers are closed. I can’t ring you up but I’d be happy to put them on hold so you can come get them tomorrow.”
Customer: *immediately angry* “What? You mean I can’t buy these?!”
Me: “I’m sorry, but not tonight. The registers won’t even let me scan them. I’d be happy to put them on hold for you so you can get them another time.”
(Reluctantly the customer agrees. I walk her out of the store since the doors are all locked. As she is leaving she turns to me.)
Customer: *rudely* “Well, I didn’t even know you guys were closed!”
I work in parts/service at a boat dealer. It’s six pm, late in the year so it’s already dark outside. The salesmen are long gone for the day, and I’ve shut off the sign, locked the gates, shut off the showroom lights, and have locked all the doors except one up front, which I’ll lock behind me when I leave.
I punch out and grab my pop out of the mini-fridge back in the service bay, and am about to make my way around the counter and out the front when I hear a noise.
The front door bell dings and I hear someone stumbling around in the pitch black dark. Gradually, the silhouette of a figure appears, tripping on the rug, bumping into boats and displays as he feels his way around.
Eventually he makes his way back to the desk, looks around at the dark computer monitors in bewilderment, and goes: “Oh! Are you guys closed?”
Bad Behavior, Houston, Pharmacy, Texas, USA | Right | December 8, 2018
(I work at a retail pharmacy. I get a call from a patient.)
Customer: “I just came by the drive-thru, and you f****** idiots screwed up my prescription. This is completely wrong!“
(I apologize profusely and confirm the medication she was supposed to pick up.)
Me: “You certainly did pick up the correct medication for yourself. What exactly was wrong with it?”
Customer: “Last time I got ninety pills, and this time I only got thirty! What kind of business are you running here?!”
Me: “I’m sorry, that is a bit peculiar. Let me see why that was done.”
(I look up her prescription, which is a quantity of thirty with three refills.)
Me: “I see your doctor only prescribed a total of a hundred and twenty pills. On your preferences, you request ninety-day supplies. We did indeed fill it for ninety days previously, meaning only thirty were remaining on your prescription, which is what you received today. After this, you will need a new prescription from your doctor in order to get a ninety-day supply. I’m sorry for the confusion.”
Customer: “No f****** way. You guys f****** shorted me. I’m going over soon, and you guys had better give me my d*** pills. I know you offer that service, since y’all are f****** useless.”
Me: “Ma’am, we did not short you. You were meant to get thirty pills. You don’t have enough pills on your prescription to fill for ninety. I can send a refill request fax to your doctor, and perhaps she can approve for more. If it’s within seven days, we can reimburse you and get you ninety days when it’s approved.”
Customer: *scoffs* “Seriously?! What the f*** am I supposed to do without my medication?! I need this stuff to live. Just give me my f****** pills.”
(I am going around in circles, so I cut her off.)
Me: “No. I’m sorry, I cannot invent a new prescription and give you pills you do not have. You have no refills. Zero. You have thirty days’ worth you just picked up, and thirty entire days to get more. I can get you my pharmacy manager if you want a second opinion.”
(I put her on hold before she could protest or swear at me anymore, and the pharmacist who had been listening to her in disbelief picked up the call. The customer hung up, and we thankfully haven’t heard from her since.)
Extra Stupid, Ignoring & Inattentive, Ireland, Jerk, Retail | Right | January 10, 2018
(I work at a one-hour-turnaround personalised gifts store. It’s closing time and all the computers and lights are turned off, but the shutter is still open. A customer rushes in, anyway.)
Customer: “Are you closed?”
Me: “Yes, but we can take your order for tomorrow.”
Customer: “For tomorrow? But you do things in one hour!”
Health & Body, Jerk, Pennsylvania, Pharmacy, USA | Right | December 6, 2018
(I’ve just had to have minor surgery on my tongue and the roof of my mouth. My mouth is packed with gauze. We have to stop at the pharmacy to pick up antibiotics before heading home. My mom does some other shopping, but I sit in the waiting area. I’m miserable and still reeling from the drugs, and I’m texting friends. An older man comes and sits across from me in silence for a half hour. Then, suddenly, he rages out at me.)
Customer: “You know, back in my day, we would talk and not just sit with your phone in front of your face. Ignoring people! We used to dress to go shopping, too, not just pajamas in public!”
(He continues on, raging that I’m wearing PJs and that I’m on my phone. I ignore him. When my mom comes back around, he rages at her, too.)
Customer: “You need to teach your child some manners! She hasn’t even said hello, just sat there on her d*** phone!”
(Finally, I just turn and open my mouth, full of bloody gauze, and muffle out a hello. He looks horrified and backs away from me.)
Pharmacist: “Just ignore him. He comes around and never buys anything, just harasses our customers.”
Bad Behavior, Money, Pharmacy, Tennessee, USA | Right | December 4, 2018
Customer: “Excuse me, I see in your ad that you have this sale. I was wondering if I could use this coupon that expired only almost a week ago. Will that be all right?”
Me: “I’m sorry, but [Store] can no longer take any coupons past expiration date.”
Customer: “Oh? Well, that isn’t right. Are you sure?” *she then props herself against the counter and says this* “You know, I also work at [Store, but different location] and [Their Manager and Employees] took them all the time, and I know for a fact that you guys do so here also. Who is the boss tonight? Let me speak to them and I’ll show you.”
Me: “Yes, ma’am.”
(I find the store manager, tell him the situation, and he comes up after finishing helping another customer. When he walks up, she gives him a grand greeting and explains to him the situation. Though I had to help another customer and did not get to stay for the conversation, I did get to see her leaving the store saying
Customer: “Oh, well, I guess I’ll just have to try somewhere else that actually tries to make customers happy!”
(I ask my manager what he did.)
Store Manager: “I know her from another store location, but it’s good you stood by our policies. When I mentioned to her about which stores are on the naughty list for accepting bad coupons and giving unnecessary store credit, of which her store was in second place, I asked her how she was dealing with that. She said never mind, and left! If we allowed it, who knows how many more customers would have come expecting this if they heard they could pull that stuff here!”
(Moral of the story: you are not there to sacrifice values and bend rules to give someone an ego boost or sense of entitlement. Stick to what you know, and keep the truth because anything can happen in retail.)
Criminal & Illegal, Health & Body, Pharmacy, UK | Legal | November 28, 2018
(I am full of a chest cold and have struggled to the pharmacy to stock up on decongestants, so I can go back to bed for as long as possible. My spouse has texted to ask me to pick up extra, as he’s starting with the same cold. As I look through the shelf of cold and flu medication, I notice that everything contains either paracetamol — acetaminophen — or ibuprofen. There are laws limiting the sale of those medications in the UK, which have significantly reduced intentional and accidental overdoses.)
Me: *pointing at shelf* “Excuse me. How many packets am I allowed to buy?”
Assistant: “Only two, I’m afraid.”
Me: “Oh, bother. For two of us poorly, that’s only two days’ worth. Never mind. I’ll just have to come back again.”
Assistant: “Well, unless you have a consultation with the pharmacist…”
(Fortunately, the pharmacist agrees to authorise sale of two packets each for me and my spouse, and after thanking her, I pay.)
Assistant: “People are so rude about the limit, though. You should hear what they’re like when we have to say no.”
Me: “What? But they do know it’s actually the law and not just [Pharmacy] policy?”
Assistant: “Yes. One man shouted at me for several minutes because I wouldn’t sell him ten packets of paracetamol in one go. Then he said, ‘I’m just going to come back in fifteen minutes to buy more and you won’t remember me.’”
Me: “I’m not sure that’s how that works.”
Assistant: “Yeah, he was pretty memorable by that point.”
Me: “And instead he could just have gone to [Shop twenty metres away] and [Shop fifty metres away], which both sell that kind of medicine.”
Bad Behavior, Oregon, Pharmacy, Portland, USA | Right | November 27, 2018
(I get a call from a lady who is very upset about some photos she sent to be printed.)
Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. My name is [My Name]; how can I help you?”
Caller: “You ruined my Christmas! All of the photos I just ordered today have the heads cut off! I can’t use these as Christmas cards! I want a refund or a reprint!”
Me: “No problem. Let me look up your order real quick.” *looks up order* “I’m sorry, miss, but it seems you ordered these through our app or online. Unfortunately, if you want these to be cropped the way you want them, I’m going to need you to come into the store; we would be happy to redo them for free.”
Caller: “This is ridiculous! I don’t have time for this! I can’t believe you guys can’t do your f****** job!”
Me: “I’m sorry, but if that’s not something you would like, I’m sure my manager would be okay with us giving you a refund.”
Caller: “I don’t have time to come back to that store! I can’t believe you won’t remake them! This is ridiculous!”
Me: “Ma’am, I’d be happy to help you remake them or give you a refund. But for either one you have to be at our store.”
(After another five minutes of her screaming at me, I get my manager to talk to her.)
Manager: “Thank you for holding. How may I help you?”
(The lady is screaming through the phone the same things she has told me already.)
Manager: “I’m so sorry that this happened. I would be willing to help you remake them or give you a full refund if you come back in.”
(The lady on the phone is now screaming so loud I can hear from next to my manager.)
Manager: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but unfortunately, unless you’re present in our store, I can’t give you a refund or remake your photos.”
(This continues for a good ten minutes.)
Manager: “Ma’am, what would you like us to do for you?”
(The lady is still screaming something about how we can’t do our jobs correctly.)
Manager: “Ma’am, what would you like us to do for you? I’ve given you your two choices; if you’re not satisfied with that then I can give you our 1-800 number.”
(The lady continues to scream at her for not being helpful.)
Manager: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but if you’re going to continue to scream at me then I’m going to have to hang up. I’ve given you your two choices in what we can do for you. If you’re not satisfied, then you can call our 1-800 number and leave a complaint.”
(The lady continues to scream at her.)
Manager: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but that’s all I can do. I’m going to hang up now.”
(The lady continues to scream.)
Manager: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I’m going to hang up now. We hope to see you in soon. Have a good day.”
(The manager hangs up phone.)
Me: “Wow… she was not happy.”
Manager: “She said she was driving on her way to our store, anyway. Guess it wasn’t too much of an issue for her to come over. I’m just glad I don’t have to talk to her anymore.”
Harassment, Michigan, Pharmacy, Rude & Risque, USA | Right | November 26, 2018
I am a cashier at a pharmacy chain. A man comes in to the store and immediately asks where to find condoms. It is company policy to walk each customer to the product they are looking for if at all possible. Being a good employee, I walk the man to the “Family Planning” aisle, and show him where to find the condoms.
Rather than leaving our encounter to a minimum, he decides to ask me which condoms I like. Not only am I a woman, but I’m very uncomfortable discussing sex with anyone, especially strangers.
After explaining that I have no preference, and that it’s all up to him, he asks, “Which are the biggest ones? I need the biggest, because I am the biggest.” I am mortified.
I leave him in the aisle by himself, and he chooses a brand for purchase. No more than two minutes after ringing him out, he comes back in to the store, with the package opened, and one condom missing. He slaps the package on the counter and yells, “They’re too tight! I’m returning these, and I need your number… You single?”
I have my manager run the return as I go to the stock room to hide.
Health & Body, Language & Words, Montana, Pharmacy, USA | Right | November 20, 2018
(I work on the retail side of a pharmacy, usually stocking shelves or helping customers. One day a young lady, maybe 19 or 20, approaches me, clearly embarrassed.)
Customer: *whispering* “Do you have, um, like, douches, but, um, for, like, the…” *I can now barely hear her* “…butt?”
Me: *stifling laughter* “Enema. The word you’re looking for is ‘enema,’ and yes, over this way.”
(I will forever call them “butt douches” from now on.)
British Columbia, Canada, Language & Words, Pharmacy, Vancouver | Right | November 19, 2018
(I’m the customer in this story. I am Caucasian, of Irish and Scottish descent, and have extremely pale skin.)
Me: “Hi. Do you have melanin?”
Pharmacy Worker: “Sorry?”
Me: “Melanin, do you guys carry it?”
Pharmacy Worker: “No, I don’t think so.”
Me: “Drat, are you sure? My doctor told me I should get some before I went on my trip.”
Pharmacy Worker: “I don’t think it works like that.”
Me: “With respect, I’m going to listen to my doctor about how to treat my jet lag.”
Pharmacy Worker: “Jet lag? OH! You mean melatonin!“
Me: “Yes! Wait, did I say, ‘melanin’? Oh, my God, oops.”
(Melatonin is a sleep-related hormone you can buy over the counter in Canada; melanin is the compound that darkens your skin when you tan. I may be a bit short on melanin, but I wasn’t expecting to buy it at the pharmacy!)
At The Checkout, California, Extra Stupid, Ignoring & Inattentive, Pharmacy, USA | Right | November 15, 2018
(It’s about twenty minutes before closing and there’s one customer left in the store. This particular customer always comes in about two hours before closing every night and wanders the store until closing. He only ever buys two or three small items. He comes up to my register.)
Me: *after ringing in his items* “Your total is [total]. How would you like to pay?”
Customer: “I have a gift card.”
(We accept gift cards so I see no problem, until the customer hands me the card.)
Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but this is an Amazon gift card. You can only use it on Amazon.”
Customer: “No. I can use it here, too. You guys accept gift cards.”
Me: “We do accept certain gift cards, but you can’t use this one here.”
Customer: “Just scan it; you’ll see that it works!”
Me: “Sir, there is no barcode or magnetic strip on this card. There’s only a number on the back that you can type in on the Amazon website. You can’t use this here. Do you have another form of payment?”
Customer: *getting irritated* “I don’t know why you won’t just use it! I’ve used it here before!”
Me: “Sir, we don’t accept these. I need another form of payment.”
Customer: “Just use this card!”
(This goes back and forth for several minutes.)
Customer: “Where in here does it say I can’t use gift cards?!”
Me: “Right here on the back of the card.” *reads where the card says it can only be used on Amazon*
Customer: “Well, how was I supposed to know that?!”
(He grabbed his items and slammed it back down on the shelf and stormed out. By then it was twenty minutes past closing.)
Pharmacy, Providence, Rhode Island, USA | Unfiltered | November 11, 2018
(I take my nine-year-old daughter to the pharmacy because she has some pocket money to spend and wants to pick up a few treats. I enter my phone number to pull up my card number so my daughter would get any sale prices, but otherwise I am not involved in the transaction. I stand back as my daughter puts her items on the counter.)
Cashier: *looking up at me* “Would you like to donate a dollar to [charity] today?”
Me: *pointing back at my daughter* “She’s the one buying, not me.”
Cashier: *to daughter this time* “Would you like to donate a dollar to [charity] today?”
Daughter: “Sure, I’ll donate a dollar! I have the extra money, and it is for charity!”
(The cashier and her manager were shocked, but impressed, and quickly thanked my daughter!)
(I work as a cashier in a popular pharmacy. Recently our store has been doing some renovations. Nothing too big, just moving some shelves around and moving all the registers to one side of the store. One night I come into work and have this conversation with a customer.)
Customer: “You guys are going to be closed within six months.”
Me: *confused* “What do you mean, sir?”
Customer: “You moved everything around. How are we supposed to find anything?! You moved the toilet paper next to the freezers! Now what sense does that make?! You be closed within a year, mark my words.”
Me: *slightly shocked but still smiling and courteous* “Well, I hope not, sir.”
Customer: “You will. YOU WILL!”
Me: “Can I get your store card, sir?”
Customer: “…”
(I ring him up and things go smoothly until I hand him the receipt.)
Me: “Okay, here’s your receipt, sir.”
Customer: “I’ve been shopping here for seven f****** years, and you go and change things like this!”
Me: “Well, thank you for shopping with us today, sir.”
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