Walk For A Mile… Away From Them
Amsterdam, Doctor/Physician, Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive, Jerk, The Netherlands | Healthy | July 3, 2018
(I am having a conversation with a rheumatologist.)
Rheumatologist: “One thing that you probably don’t want to hear is that it would help with some of your symptoms if you were to lose some weight.”
Me: “Yes, I agree. If you look here–” *I tap the relevant paragraph in the paperwork in front of her* “–I have detailed the years I have been struggling to lose weight and the steps I have taken, and have asked if you have any suggestions on how to try to tackle this issue.”
Rheumatologist: “It’s just that your back pain and foot pain will probably be lessened by weight loss.”
Me: “Yes, that’s one of the reasons I have been trying for so many years to lose weight.”
Rheumatologist: “Well, I would suggest you try going to a certified dietician.”
Me: “Here you can see the three I have visited, one of them a year ago, one three years before that, and one three or four years before that. I followed all of their advice to the letter and I did not lose weight.”
Rheumatologist: “Well, it’s still something you might want to try.”
Me: “Well, it isn’t covered completely by my insurance, and I am very poor, so I don’t think I’ll be able to go a fourth time right now.”
Rheumatologist: “I understand. But it might be worth a try, anyway.”
Me: “Well, I will go a fourth time when I can afford it.”
Rheumatologist: “Oh, you’ve been before?”
Me: “Yes. Three. Times.”
Rheumatologist: “Well, maybe you should try going to one via the doctor so that you know you are going to a properly-certified one.”
Me: “I will do this a fourth time when I have the money.”
Rheumatologist: “Oh, you’ve gone to one the doctor sent you to already?”
Me: “Yes. Three. Times.”
Rheumatologist: “Oh, all right. Well, what else have you tried?”
Me: “As you see here—” *tapping paperwork again* “—I have, over the past ten years, done the following: two years of sticking religiously to less than 1500 calories per day while also walking briskly for two hours each day, three attempts with professional dieticians via the doctor, the keto diet for eight months which I just stopped, three years of fasting for three days every couple of months, an intensified exercise program designed by a physiotherapist, and periodic further attempts such as ten months only drinking slim-fast for breakfast and lunch and then eating a minimal dinner. At the moment, I walk a lot and now that my sprained ankle will, after 11 months, finally allow it, I am starting my home fitness routine again, with a cross-trainer and resistance training as far as my back and other joint ills will allow.”
Rheumatologist: “You know what doesn’t cost money? Exercise!”
Me: “Yes… As I said — and wrote — I walk a lot and am working on starting my routine again. At the moment, I walk a minimum of one hour a day just in the normal way of things and I try to do more. I walk pretty fast.”
Rheumatologist: “I understand, but really, it’s not that hard to get started. Maybe just try with 20 minutes every other day and see how that treats you, then build up from there.”
Me: “I. Already. Walk. More. Than. One. Hour. Every. Day.”
Rheumatologist: “I understand. Well, I know you don’t want to hear this, but it sounds like you need to scrap all the fad diet kicks and just eat fewer calories.”
Me: “Yes, I just stopped the keto diet and I will now again do the calorie-counting, while walking more than an hour a day, but as I said, I have already tried reducing the calories and I haven’t had any luck so far. But yes, obviously I will be doing that; otherwise I would gain weight and I really don’t want to do that!“
Rheumatologist: “Well, I understand why you wouldn’t want to do it; if you eat fewer calories, you will have to suffer feelings of hunger sometimes. I understand that this is difficult, so you might not want to do it, but it really is important that you try.”
Me: “Um… Here–” *tapping paperwork again* “–is where it says that I fasted for three days every couple of months for three years. I am not afraid of feelings of hunger.”
Rheumatologist: “Well, okay… I just think it would be good for you to give it a shot. Maybe start with 20 minutes of light walking every day, and see if you can reduce your calories a bit at a time. Maybe cut out desserts a couple of times a week; start from there. Anyway, obviously it won’t cure your fibromyalgia or anything, but if you could lose some weight it would help with the daily toll on your skeletal system, and with the amount of wear-and-tear you’re dealing with that would only be a good thing. Do you have any questions?”
Tells Dad Jokes Religiously
Connecticut, Hospital, Parents/Guardians, Patients, Religion, Silly, USA | Healthy | July 2, 2018
(My dad is chronically unserious, even when he really ought not to be. He and my mother are in the intake of an ER, as he’s managed to injure himself somehow, and a nurse is doing the standard intake questions.)
Nurse: “Religion?”
Dad: “Orthodox Agnostic!”
(The nurse starts to write it down, then pauses and just looks confused.)
Needs A Follow-Up Follow-Up Sign
California, Ignoring & Inattentive, Medical Office, Patients, Sacramento, USA | Healthy | July 2, 2018
(I work in the back office of a large multi-specialty practice. Patients routinely come out of the rooms after their appointments and need to make follow-up appointments, which they are supposed to do with the schedulers at the front desk where they checked in; the doctors tell them so. However, they usually make a beeline for where I sit at the nurses’ station and request that I schedule their follow-up. After a few months of directing patients to the front desk, I made a bold-face, full-page sign that sits upright on the counter between my desk and the patients saying, “Follow-up appointments can be made at the Front Desk,” with a bright orange arrow directing to the front. However, this still happens several times a week
Patient: *standing directly in front of the sign and craning their neck around it to see me* “I need a follow-up appointment for six months.”
Me: *mental head-desk* “Let me just show you to the front…”
Tells Dad Jokes Religiously
Connecticut, Hospital, Parents/Guardians, Patients, Religion, Silly, USA | Healthy | July 2, 2018
(My dad is chronically unserious, even when he really ought not to be. He and my mother are in the intake of an ER, as he’s managed to injure himself somehow, and a nurse is doing the standard intake questions.)
Nurse: “Religion?”
Dad: “Orthodox Agnostic!”
(The nurse starts to write it down, then pauses and just looks confused.)
Needs A Follow-Up Follow-Up Sign
California, Ignoring & Inattentive, Medical Office, Patients, Sacramento, USA | Healthy | July 2, 2018
(I work in the back office of a large multi-specialty practice. Patients routinely come out of the rooms after their appointments and need to make follow-up appointments, which they are supposed to do with the schedulers at the front desk where they checked in; the doctors tell them so. However, they usually make a beeline for where I sit at the nurses’ station and request that I schedule their follow-up. After a few months of directing patients to the front desk, I made a bold-face, full-page sign that sits upright on the counter between my desk and the patients saying, “Follow-up appointments can be made at the Front Desk,” with a bright orange arrow directing to the front. However, this still happens several times a week
Patient: *standing directly in front of the sign and craning their neck around it to see me* “I need a follow-up appointment for six months.”
Me: *mental head-desk* “Let me just show you to the front…”
Procedural Power Nap
Hospital, Patients, Salt Lake City, USA, Utah | Healthy | July 2, 2018
I went in for an outpatient procedure to have a uterine ablation. They were getting me ready for the procedure, and had already given me the stuff to make me sleepy. I asked if I could use the bathroom first. I started to get sleepy and asked again to use the bathroom.
“You’re all done. We just finished the surgery.”
It was the weirdest feeling! I literally blinked and it was over!
Procedural Power Nap
Hospital, Patients, Salt Lake City, USA, Utah | Healthy | July 2, 2018
I went in for an outpatient procedure to have a uterine ablation. They were getting me ready for the procedure, and had already given me the stuff to make me sleepy. I asked if I could use the bathroom first. I started to get sleepy and asked again to use the bathroom.
“You’re all done. We just finished the surgery.”
It was the weirdest feeling! I literally blinked and it was over!
Will Soon Eat His Words
Hospital, Jerk, New Mexico, Non-Dialogue, Patients, Stupid, USA | Healthy | July 1, 2018
One of our patients has a procedure in the morning for which he needs to not eat or drink anything for twelve hours prior. This isn’t uncommon before many procedures, and while it’s not pleasant, it’s doable for most people.
Not so with this patient. As soon as the twelve hours start, he rings his call light every fifteen minutes demanding we bring him something to eat. The first few times, his nurse goes in and explains to him why he can’t eat and what the dangers are, and tells him that if he really needs to eat, we can postpone or cancel the procedure — which is not an emergency, but not entirely unelective. He is adamant that he does not want to postpone or cancel, but he demands that we bring him something to eat.
Obviously, we can’t ignore call lights, and so I fall hours behind in my work going into his room every fifteen minutes to reiterate what he already knows: he can eat now and postpone the procedure, or not eat and have it in the morning. He refuses to accept this and insists we bring him something to eat and that we perform the procedure as scheduled.
Around 3:00 in the morning, the call lights finally stop, and we are all relieved, assuming that he has finally fallen asleep. However, while I am catching up on the work I am behind on, I turn the corner to find the stack of dinner trays waiting to be picked up by the cafeteria, and this patient eating off of a used dinner tray. Without saying anything to the patient, and with a certain amount of satisfaction, I call the nurse and tell her she should let the doctor know that his scheduled morning procedure will have to be cancelled.
Making A Needling Point
Finland, Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive, Nurses, Patients | Healthy | June 30, 2018
(When I was a teenager, I did drugs to cope with mental illness and a bad situation at home. It resulted in me being addicted to intravenous medicines and drugs. Later, I ended up in rehab and got proper care. This happens a few weeks after I get released from rehab.)
Nurse: “We have to take a blood test so we know you don’t take drugs anymore.”
Me: “Don’t you usually do pee tests?”
Nurse: “We think a blood test will be more effective in your case.”
Me: “I would really prefer that you don’t force me to have my blood drawn.”
Nurse: “We really think it would be more effective in your case.”
Me: “You think forcing an ex-addict to be stabbed with needles is going to be effective to said ex-addict’s recovery?”
The CDC Will Shut This Place Down For The Worst Juvenile Hypochondria It’s Ever Seen
Brooklyn, Doctor/Physician, Funny Kids, Medical Office, New York, Patients, USA | Healthy | June 29, 2018
(Overheard between a pediatrician and a seven-year-old patient
Pediatrician: “Look, [Child], you learned more about [disease] on your own; that’s a good thing! It’s very smart to learn all about your health. And, you found out online that we always tell the CDC when someone has [disease]. I think it’s very good when people learn about how we keep track of disease. But from now on, calling the CDC is my job, not yours.”
Wisdom Teeth Require The Wise To Remove Them
Alabama, Bad Behavior, Dentist, Non-Dialogue, USA | Healthy | June 28, 2018
I go to the dentist to get my wisdom teeth out. I have had two shots already and the laughing gas on, no big problem.
He starts trying to pull one tooth out that grew in crooked and I tell him that it is hurting. He gives me another shot, which should deaden it right then. He tells me not to be such a baby. Then, instead of being gentle and rocking it back and forth to loosen it before pulling it, he grabs a pair of pliers and snatches the tooth straight out of the gum!
He starts doing that with my other one on the same side. I bite the fire out of him. He has the nerve to tell my mom that I “need to be more prepared for a dental visit.” Not when one almost snatches your gums out of your mouth!
I go straight from that dentist to one that treated me when I was a child. He is super nice, and he helps straighten out what the other one did to me. He takes one look in my mouth and says, “When was the last time you went to a dentist?” I reply, “I just came from one.”
You’re Boxing Me In Here
Australia, Hobart, Patients, Pharmacy, Stupid, Tasmania | Healthy | June 27, 2018
(At my pharmacy, we commonly take orders by phone so that a customer’s medications can be ready to collect when they arrive. This phone order, however, is a little different.)
Me: “Good afternoon. This is [Pharmacy]. [My Name] speaking. How can I help?”
Customer: “Yes, I’d like to order some medications, please.”
Me: “Sure. What do you need?”
Customer: “I can’t remember what they’re called, sorry.”
Me: “That’s okay. We can figure it out. Do you remember what they’re for?”
Not The Kind Of “Fall Into My Arms” Story We’re Used To
Australia, Golden Years, Grocery Store, Health & Body, Kind Strangers, New South Wales | Healthy | June 26, 2018
(I’m standing behind a woman in line at the checkout who has put her groceries on the belt and has picked up her tiny baby out of the seat, as the baby started fussing. The customer in front of her is a sweet, older man who is having trouble getting his card to work. The woman is swaying side to side, something I don’t think much of because I did the same to calm down my kids when they were small. The older man turns to apologise for the wait, and gets a funny look on his face.)
Older Guy: “Are you okay, ma’am?”
(The woman spins around to face me and I see her face is slightly purple and her eyes are completely unfocused and darting around. Before I can react to try to catch her, she shoves the baby in my direction. I drop my items and catch the baby just in time, and the old man tries to catch the woman as she drops and starts twitching. They both end up on the floor, though he does break her fall. The cashier calls for help and there’s a flurry of activity, with managers calling for an ambulance and helping the woman. The old man scrambles back to his feet, and he and I step aside — me still holding the baby — while the ambulance officers show up and diagnose her with a seizure and start loading her into an ambulance. They take the baby with them — she has regained consciousness at this point and screams for her baby, thinking she had dropped them when she fell. In all the activity, the older man stays at the end of the checkout, waiting to finish paying for his groceries and leave. I look down and see he is holding his arm strangely.)
Me: “Sir, are you okay?”
Older Guy: “Ah, landed on my arm a bit funny.”
(Upon closer inspection, his arm is clearly broken quite badly near his wrist.)
Cashier: “Oh, no! Why didn’t you tell the ambulance guys? They would have taken you, too!”
Older Guy: “Oh, no, they were busy with the young lass. I’ve had my time; youngins are the future! I’ll get it looked at later.”
(We did eventually convince him to let me drive him to the hospital, with a promise of dropping his groceries off at home to his wife. She was beside herself and let me drive her back to her husband’s car so they wouldn’t have to worry about it later. Given the amount of stories on here about old people being cranky and mean, I was touched to find one who was willing to sit quietly through immense pain just so someone else would receive medical attention.)
The Whole Nine Family
Family & Kids, Medical Office, Patients, USA | Healthy | June 25, 2018
(I’m 38 and pregnant for the first time. My OB has a bit of a specialty in older pregnancies, so I’m not surprised to see a woman looking older than me in the waiting room.)
Me: “This is my first. We weren’t really planning anything; you know, whatever happens, happens.”
Woman: “Pregnancy six, baby number nine. Christ, what I would give for a girl this time.”
Me: “Nine? All the rest are boys? Wow.”
Woman: “Yep. In my defense, pregnancies three and four were multiples, and pregnancy five was surprise; the vasectomy didn’t take.”
Me: *afraid to ask now* “And this one?”
Woman: “My husband and I put a hit out on the urologist. The boys are pretty evenly split between this kid being the messiah and their dad being Wolverine.”
Me: “Was it a shock for them?”
Woman: “When we Skyped our oldest, he laughed so hard he fell off the chair and concussed himself. We had to explain to his gunny why he was giggling while bleeding profusely from the head.” *she sighs* “I’m too old for this crap.”
(She was called back then. Lady, I wish you all the luck.)
A Totally Crap Present
Canada, Medical Office, Non-Dialogue, Nurses, Patients, Revolting, Silly | Healthy | June 24, 2018
I have to give a stool sample. I don’t have to go while I’m at the clinic, so I go home and bring it back later. Literally the only opaque bag I can find in the house is a gift bag… so I put the container in that.
I feel bad, but watching the nurse’s expression turn from delight to horror as she realizes I have not brought her a present is… pretty funny.
From No Breathing To Heavy Breathing
Australia, Hospital, Patients, Rude & Risque, Silly, Spouses & Partners | Healthy | June 23, 2018
(I’ve been having trouble getting solid sleep lately, and my partner informs me that I’ve suddenly stopped breathing in my sleep a few times. My doctor refers me to a local hospital for a sleep study. My partner comes with me, since he’ll be helping me set up the equipment for my at-home study. The technician walks us through the process, and packs everything up for us to take home.)
Tech: “Now make sure you start hooking this all up a half hour before midnight, okay? You don’t have to be asleep when it switches on, but you should be in bed and settling down for the night. It’s all automated and will beep when it comes on, and switches off again at nine-thirty. Any questions?”
Me: “No, I think I’m—”
Partner: “Yes! I have one.”
Tech: “Yep?”
Partner: “We can still have sex once she’s all hooked up, right? I’ve always had a thing for Borgs.”
(One look at his face, and the tech can tell he’s not serious. I’ve been pretty anxious about the not-breathing thing, and he’s been trying to make jokes all day to cheer me up.)
Tech: “Now, I know you’re joking, but please don’t actually do that. You can damage the leads or accidentally switch the recording device off. We’ve had it happen.”
Partner: *surprised* “You’re kidding!”
Tech: “No. We even had one man book an in-hospital test, and his wife showed up with him. She apparently thought it was like a hotel, and that he was just after a night away from the kids.”
Me: “Wow.”
Tech: “She wasn’t thrilled when we told her she had to leave.”
Partner: “Well, would you be? I mean, there goes your romantic evening in these luxurious surroundings…” *he waves around the very basic hospital room we’re sitting in*
Use Your Emergency Words
Hospital, Patients, USA, Wordplay | Healthy | June 22, 2018
(I’m putting a splint on a patient who broke his thumb working on heavy machinery. I’m trying to keep him talking to help with the pain.)
This Rule Is A Lie (Down)
California, Hospital, Los Angeles, Security, Stupid, USA | Healthy | June 22, 2018
(I’ve ended up in the ER waiting room with an excruciating spinal headache, due to a myelogram test I underwent four days earlier. This means I can’t have any part of my spine bent for more than a minute or so without the headache coming on and making me severely sick. I’ve been becoming severely sick the entire four days anytime I’ve so much as gone to the toilet, so I’ve been forced to be bedridden the entire time. The waiting room has nowhere to lie down, not even two chairs near each other without a non-removable armrest between them. I also know that if I stand in place straight up for more than a few minutes my blood pressure will drop and I’ll lose consciousness. For lack of any other solution, I’ve crawled to lie down on the floor in a semi-clean corner, with my head under one of the unused seats, to hide from the bright ceiling lights and be as much out of the way as possible. I’ve been waiting this way for over an hour. I carefully get up to ask the check-in nurse how much longer it’ll be. She can’t tell me; she can only say that I’ll have to wait some more. I go back to my place on the floor. In less than a minute, a security guard comes up.)
Guard: “Miss, you can’t lie on the floor here.”
Me: “What? I need to be lying down. If I don’t, I’ll become badly sick.”
Guard: “Well, but surely you can sit down, miss; there are seats here. You just can’t be lying down.”
Me: *bewildered at having to explain such obvious things in an ER waiting room, and after already having lain there for an hour without being bothered or bothering anyone* “I’m sorry, but I can’t sit anywhere. The reason I’ve come to the ER is that I have a specific condition where I become severely sick when I’m sitting. There’s no way I can physically be in that position right now. I have to be lying down so I don’t become ill.”
Guard: “Oh, well… But miss, there’s a rule that says you aren’t allowed to lie on the floor in this room. So couldn’t you please just go over right there and sit in one of these nice empty seats, anyway? There’s a rule, you see.” *looks at me expectantly like he’s making a perfectly reasonable suggestion.*
Me: “…”
(I checked later: there were no signs anywhere in the room stating such a rule.)
Attempts To Cut The Line Are Painful
Canada, Doctor/Physician, Health & Body, Jerk, Patients, Physical | Healthy | June 22, 2018
(I go to a small chiropractic office with no receptionist. As you come in, you ask the others waiting who is last in line, and then you know where your place is in line. The doctor brings the previous person out, and the next person in line goes in. Works excellent, usually. One day, I have been waiting through three or four previous patients and I am the only one left waiting. A guy comes in, looks around and sees me, a middle-aged woman, standing there.)
Guy: “I’m sure you won’t mind if I go ahead of you. I’m in a lot of pain.”
Me: “Actually, I’m in quite a bit of pain, too.”
(The guy gives me a dirty look and sits down. The doctor emerges and the guy jumps up to be next. The doctor swivels sideways to block the guy’s entrance to the office.)
Doctor: “Hello, [My Name], you’ve been waiting so patiently even though you’re in too much pain to sit down. I’m sorry to have been so long.”
(Apparently the guy tried this whenever there was a woman in front of him. Love my chiropractor.)
Because There Is No One Else Sick Today Except You
Bad Behavior, Medical Office, Patients, Pennsylvania, USA | Healthy | June 21, 2018
(This takes place in a busy OB/GYN clinic. I’m a provider, one of four who are scheduled to see five or six patients per hour. We run all day to stay on schedule. A notoriously needy patient calls the front desk staff.)
Patient: “I have my appointment card and it says three, but I’m pretty sure my appointment was for one… Can you check?”
Clerk: “Looking in the computer, you’re scheduled for three, so we’ll see you then!”
(The patient over the years has scammed the private phone number for the patient care area, and calls.)
Patient: “I have an appointment for three, but I’m really sure I am supposed to come at one… You can see me, right?”
Nurse: “No, we are booked solid. We’ll see you at three!”
(Of course, the patient arrives at one. The desk clerk tells her we will see her at three. She sits in the waiting room and complains to everyone around her. Since we share a waiting area with a large family practice clinic and a couple of specialties, this gives her lots of opportunities. The poor desk clerk begs us to get her in early; initially we refuse, but after an hour, I have a teeny break in my schedule, so I relent. She smirks as the nurse brings her to the exam room. I do her routine visit. On the way out
Patient: “Oh, [My Name], I knew I could count on you; you’re always so nice to me.”
Me: “Well, [Patient], it turned out I had one opening in my schedule. The person scheduled for this time didn’t come, because she lost her baby.”
Patient: “Oh, [My Name!] Why did you tell me that?! Now I feel bad!“
Diễn Đàn Người Việt Hải Ngoại. Tự do ngôn luận, an toàn và uy tín. Vì một tương lai tươi đẹp cho các thế hệ Việt Nam hãy ghé thăm chúng tôi, hãy tâm sự với chúng tôi mỗi ngày, mỗi giờ và mỗi giây phút có thể. VietBF.Com Xin cám ơn các bạn, chúc tất cả các bạn vui vẻ và gặp nhiều may mắn.
Welcome to Vietnamese American Community, Vietnamese European, Canadian, Australian Forum, Vietnamese Overseas Forum. Freedom of speech, safety and prestige. For a beautiful future for Vietnamese generations, please visit us, talk to us every day, every hour and every moment possible. VietBF.Com Thank you all and good luck.
News
Library
Technology
Giải Trí
Portals
Tin Sốt
Home
